heartache

I woke up crying this morning. Literally crying. I had an awful dream last night. I can't remember the entirety of the dream, but I remember the basic sequence of events.


I was working at a movie theater of some sorts. I saw Rylan, and for some reason, I was compelled to talk to him. He didn't really want to talk to me, but I wanted to talk to him, to hug him, to have him look at me like he used to.


*disclaimer* I do not feel this way at all anymore. In fact, if Rylan tried to talk to me, I would probably walk away. Or hit him. Depends on what kind of mood I was in that day.


Anyways, in my dream, I wanted those things. But he was with some other girl whom I didn't recognize. I asked him to talk with me in private, so we walked over to another part of the theater, and I tried to get him to look at me while I talked to him. He wouldn't do it, and I finally asked him, "Do you still like me? Even as a friend?" And he looked at me and said, "No." Dagger to the heart.


But that's not the worst of it.


"So what, do you hate me?"


"-long pause-"


"Alright, that's enough of an answer for me."


And I ran off to do my job at the concession stand, at which point I'm crying my eyes out and everything is going wrong. I can't make anything correctly, and I can't find anything, and I can't see because I'm still crying. It was this giant culmination of all of my worst fears in one nightmare.


I know that sounds really stupid, but I woke up feeling like it was so real. I felt so heartbroken. I don't love Rylan anymore, so I don't know why I dream about him. It's frustrating. And embarrassing. So naturally I just shared this with the entire universe. But who cares. I know it means nothing, and that's all that matters.