Paint Therapy

It's amazing to me how painting can be so therapeutic and so anxiety-packed at the same time. I try to not get caught up in the perfection, but sometimes I can't help but get frustrated when something doesn't turn out the way I want it.

Take tonight, for example.

Heather and I went to Masterpiece Mixers in Suwanee to paint Starry Night Atlanta. The hardest part for me is getting started, because I can see all of the imperfections. But they will be taken care of once the painting starts to form.

my painting background 

Heather's painting background

We met lots of really nice people throughout the evening. We all seemed to be in the same boat: wanting to paint but having trouble not being perfectionists.

we added our "Van Gogh swirls"

Heather's "Van Gogh swirls"

The instructors had a few rules, the most important being "No badmouthing your painting!"

we added the stars and the Atlanta skyline (to be filled in)

Heather's stars and skyline

They also had to remind us to breathe at certain times, specifically when doing the swirls and the roads.

my filled in skyline

Heather's filled in skyline

But in the end, they turned out wonderfully! It's amazing how different everyone's ended up, despite following the same instructions.

my finished painting

Heather's finished painting

There's a really cool one of the Fox that they're doing next month. I missed out on the Eiffel Tower one that I wanted to do, BUT you could buy their extras, so I ended up buying that one. It's gorgeous. Here's a blurry picture from their website. I'm in love with it.

I really like these classes. It's so much fun to go and paint with people that are generally on the same skill level as you. Can't wait to do another! I'm going to count this as part of one of my 26 Before 27 things: Go to three places that I've never been before. I've been to Masterpiece Mixers, but I went to a different location, so I'm counting it lol I need to get moving on my list.. only 7 more months to complete the majority of the things on the list!

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Missing You

First of all, we've got a new look! My Illustrator 101 class homework for week 3 was to design a blog header and button, so I decided to make the change. The colors remind me of the beach, which I need to visit soon. I need to spend a few days sitting in the sand, reading and listening to music, sipping on a drink and not thinking about anything. But for now, that's not happening, so let's get back to it.

Lately I've been thinking about the people that have come and gone from my life. Having moved around a lot, there are LOTS of them, but a few have been hitting more than usual.

Corey: I miss my old teammate. We only teamed together for half a year, but I thought we really bonded. We went through hell together, then he went to 6th grade and our hells continued to grow. Thankfully, he got a job teaching SS (his subject of choice) at another middle school and I got my current job, so we're both much happier. But I miss seeing him and talking to him.

Jake: We were close in college. (BTW that was SO weird to say. I can't believe I graduated almost 3 years ago. That's insane.) We initially met through my freshman year roommate Liz, then we re-met through Jona after Rylan and I broke up. He was a good friend during a rough time. I had a crush on him at different points in our friendship, but eventually I realized that it would never work out. I don't know if our friendship was always so one-sided or if it changed to be that way, but it got too hard to even be around him. I felt that I was always second (or third or fourth or fifth...) to everyone else. The final straw was when Katie threw a surprise party for my birthday.. at his apartment.. and he wasn't there. He left in the middle of the day to go to Valdosta. After that, I put up a shield and moved on. But I'll hear a song that we would sing or watch a movie that makes me think of him, and it makes me sad. Like deep, heart-wrenching ache.

Lindsey: She was my best friend in 4th and 5th grade. I haven't even really talked to her in like 15 years. But I saw Haley's post for Lindsey's birthday the other day, talking about their long friendship, and it made me really miss her.

Nathan: One of my first real crushes. I used to chase him around the Sunday school classroom and try to kiss him on the neck (no idea why..), and he would call me "um girl" because I would say "um" a lot. We connected on Facebook senior year of high school, then in college, his girlfriend lived in my building, was friends with someone I knew from church who lived on my floor, and was in my poli-sci class. They got married a few years ago and have adopted a little boy and are in the process of adopting another little boy. I'm so excited for them, but I'm also a little jealous. I can't wait to adopt. Honestly, I can't. I'd do it today if I could.

Allison: My AlliKat. We were best friends in 6th-8th grade. We lost touch when I moved to Augusta but reconnected on Facebook. She's married and has a baby boy on the way! But man, do I miss those old times. Sleepovers at her house, band class, church camp, going to the mall, writing notes on black paper with gel pens and leaving them in desks when we changed classes.

I basically am just wishing that I could go back to old memories and relive them. If I could go back and do my life over, I would. There are a lot of things that I would do differently. College would've been vastly different. And maybe I wouldn't feel as lonely as I do now. I have some great friends, but most of the time, I feel like I'm completely alone. I can count on one hand the number of people that I could call up to hang out. There are lots of people that I occasionally talk to on Twitter or Facebook, but if I had a party, they wouldn't show up. That sucks, but that's life.

The last few months have taught me that I have got to stop making my friendships into more than they are. All that does is lead to disappointment. I get too close too fast, and then I end up hurt. So now I'm guarded. And I'm wary of people. And I don't want to meet people because the majority of the people that I meet and start to love just leave. It's a vicious cycle. At least I have my cats.

That was a lot more depressing than I'd intended it to be, but I'm tired of keeping it in. This is my outlet, and I can say how I feel. I don't mean for this to hurt anyone's feelings or anything like that. Just trying to be a little more honest with myself.

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Busy Little Bee

The past month has been crazy busy, but in a good way.

I rediscovered my love for graphic design and decided to take an online class to learn the new-to-me program, Adobe Illustrator. I'm taking Illustrator 101, and I just love it! I'd been using some trials of CS5 and the new CC platform, and I decided to bite the bullet and buy a yearlong subscription for a discounted price. My short-term goal is to master the pen tool, and my long-term goal is to open an Etsy shop (or something of that nature) and sell my designs, whether that is printables, cards, or something of that nature.

I got to go to Winter Jam for the second straight year with Melanie, and I had the greatest time! The music was incredible this year, Melanie adopted a Holt International child with special needs, and we got to hear Michael Tait sing Jesus Freak. We're 1/3 of the way to our dream of hearing Jesus Freak performed live by dc Talk. I finally got to see Lecrae perform, which was wonderful, though I wish he'd done something from his earlier albums. Melanie and I have a date every year, even if she goes to Australia to teach. I'm so grateful that she came up to me after the New Teacher Panel in 2012 and initiated a great friendship!

So far, I've run in 4 5ks (1/3 of my way through my 26 Before 27 goal!) and volunteered for one. I did my first trail run, which was intense. My slowest time so far (my slowest time ever) but not by much (less than a minute) and it was VERY hilly. I haven't picked a March race yet, but I'm doing the Color Run in April with Brittany, and we're doing the MS Walk with our work. (Please donate!) I'm also volunteering with Bubble Palooza in May, and I'll get to run that one for free, so yay!

We've had two different bouts of snow in a 3 week span. Thankfully, I wasn't stuck in it either time, but some of my coworkers were in their cars or in Home Depot overnight during the first storm. By the second one, nobody was taking any chances. I'm hoping that we don't have weather like that again for quite some time. I'm good with the cold, and I don't even mind the snow, but when it cripples a huge city like Atlanta... no bueno.

My best friend had her baby, and he is unbelievably cute. I mean, I'm biased and I admit it, but he is honest-to-goodness one of the CUTEST babies I've ever seen. Let's be honest; not all babies are cute fresh out of the oven. But he was. But when you have parents as good looking as his, I guess it's to be expected. My bestie is beautiful... and so is his wife ;) Sorry that I don't have pictures to share. I *have* pictures to share, but I'd have to check with Melissa and Russell before posting them.

I think I might try to redesign my blog soon, but probably in baby steps. I'm really really tired of this look. Gotta spice things up! So hopefully with the next post, we'll have a fresh new look.

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2011 In Review

After reading Erin's review post, I wanted to do the same. 2011 was a pretty good year for me.

JANUARY
STUDENT TEACHING FIASCO: Two days before we are supposed to start student teaching, about 10 of us still haven't heard where we'll be student teaching. Luckily the great Snowpocalypse of 2011 struck, and we weren't allowed to start on time. I finally heard about my placement: back at DMS with a 7th grade life science teacher. I didn't particularly want life science, especially since another girl was placed in an earth science class like I wanted, but it all worked out. I was a bit intimidated when I got to my classroom, but I liked the kids and loved my mentor.

FEBRUARY
2 YEARS DOWN THE DRAIN: After my breakup with Rylan, my depression got much worse. Zoloft became my best friend. I eventually weaned myself off of it, and I was so happy to have control over that. However, after a few weeks with my kids, I fell back down that hole. I felt like such a failure. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but I was not thrilled to have to go back on my medication. Ever since then, I've gradually gone from 25mg to 100mg. The life of a middle school teacher...

MARCH
SBXI: I went on my first and last official spring break. I went to Destin with Katie, Jenny, and Emily. It was the greatest trip of my life. SO much fun! We stayed with Katie's grandparents, so all we had to pay for was gas and food. So many great memories were made on that trip.

APRIL
SO CLOSE TO THE END: Nothing super eventful happened in April. Student teaching came to a close [thank GOD, because I was losing my mind] and I started looking for jobs. I went to a critical needs job fair [math, science, and special education] and met a principal who offered me a long-term sub position that day. It ended up not working out because my paperwork didn't process quickly enough, but it ended up being my foot in the door. I also had my last week of classes with my cohort. I cried so much on that last day. That's my family, and I'm not going to see them altogether like that again. I made it all the way to the end of the last day, but when I hugged Dr. A, I lost it. Then when I hugged Gretchen, I lost it again. Two years with these people. I miss them.

MAY
GRADUATION: I am officially a graduate of The University of Georgia. Five years later. I got to walk across the stage [twice.. I was a little over-excited and went too early the first time lol] and shake hands with my teachers. I also got to go onto the field in Sanford Stadium and stand with my cohort in my official graduation. And then proceeded to take off my shoes and walk across campus to our car.

EMPLOYMENT: Just before graduation, I got a call from the principal that I interviewed with at the critical needs job fair in April, asking if I wanted to come in for an interview. I said, "YES! I can be there in 45 minutes!" His secretary was amused. We set up an interview time. I went in for the interview and thought it went well. A week later, the Science AP called me and offered me the job, which I immediately accepted! Two weeks after graduation, I am officially employed. Such a blessing.

JUNE
AWKWARD TURTLE: I had a date with a great guy. The date wasn't great, and apparently he was more into it than I was, so it was hard to tell him that I didn't want another date. Things were awkward for a few days, but luckily we've gotten back to the old friendship we had. I nearly had another date with a cool guy, but he ended up bailing on asking me out, so whatevs.

BAHAMAS: We took a family cruise to the Bahamas. It was great. I had a great time, though it was hard at times to not have anyone to hang out with. I hung out with my parents, but I felt like I was interfering with their alone time. I hung out with my brother and his friend.. but who wants their older sister messing up their fun times? But it still ended up being great. And if anyone goes on a cruise where there is a QUEST adventure, DO IT. Single-handedly the best part of the vacation. I have NEVER laughed so hard in my LIFE.

JULY
GOODBYE TRU, HELLO NEW LIFE: I finished up my life at Toys R Us and began my new career as a teacher. I have to say that I don't miss TRU at all. I miss a few of the people, but the important ones I still keep up with.

AUGUST
FIRST YEAR SPARTAN: My first month was rough. I didn't know if I could do it. But I had no choice but to continue. Things gradually got a bit better. Reading back through my blog, it's amazing how far I've come. My favorite part was getting my first paycheck and going out to celebrate with the other first year teachers.

SEPTEMBER
DETENTION BONANZA: I gave out more detentions in this month than all other months combined. Pretty sure I've given out the most for our grade level. But I was so over my kids that I don't even care.

OCTOBER
RED RIBBON WEEK: I enjoyed dressing up for Red Ribbon Week. My kids have learned that I will do anything for school spirit.

NOVEMBER
ALMOST DONE: Thanksgiving break was SO needed. I also took my first personal day before my birthday. I never take days off, so it was great. Also my memory is slightly failing now that I have 120 kids to watch out for. So, sorry this is boring.

DECEMBER
FINISHED: I made it through my first semester. I don't know how I did it. But I did! Thanks to everyone who supported me along the way. Also, this month I've struggled with some personal stuff. I'm a little too overwhelmed and lonely. And paranoid. But I'm working on it. So here's to fixing that in 2012.

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countdown: 14 days!

14 days of student teaching left. I am so STOKED. I can't even describe it! I am ready to be done with this and done with classes and GRADUATE ALREADY. My victory lap quickly got old about halfway through our less-than-stellar football season.. but yeah.

I'm starting my unit, and it's going really well so far. I feel so much more comfortable in the classroom than I did last semester, which is a sign that I'm heading down the right path for me.

I went on my first [and last] ever Spring Break trip last week. I will blog about it [along with pictures] sometime soon, hopefully this weekend. I've gotta work on my unit for now, but I wanted to update since it's been a month. Student teaching doesn't allow for much "fun-time" haha I'll also try to finish the 30 Day Challenge soon.. it took a back-burner once teaching started. But I'll finish it soon! Once student teaching gives me my life back..

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30 Day Challenge: Day 21

Day 21: Picture of Yourself

I've gone through phases in my life when it comes to taking pictures. I used to ham up for the camera, then I went through a [looooooooong] period where I didn't want to take ANY pictures [middle school. typical]. THEN I went through a phase [where I currently am] where I don't mind taking pictures.. but I don't always want to initiate the pictures. So most of my pictures are pictures of me WITH someone else. I have one by myself from the past few months:

Island Party 2010

and one that I LOVE that I haven't shared yet, featuring one of my favorite people in the world.. Hubert! oh, and Katie, too ;] just kidding!

Katie, myself, & Hubert [the mascot for our volleyball team!]

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30 Day Challenge: Day 17

Day 17: Something You're Looking Forward To

So, the popular answer here has been Christmas. But to be completely honest, I'm ready for Christmas to be over. Working at TRU for the past two seasons has completely destroyed my Christmas spirit.

I'm ready for December 26th.

But the reason I'm ready for December 26th is because I get to see my best friend. My best friend Janet lives in Boston, and I hate being so far from her. We rarely talk, and we've had a rough year, but she's my sister. She's having a get-together at Taco Mac on Sunday, so I get to see her! It'll be hard to share her with everyone else, but it'll have to do. It's better than possibly not seeing her at all. Plus there's a TRU work get-together at Chili's afterwards, so that'll be fun too. And I don't work that day. It's gonna be awesome. But mostly because I get to see my sister.

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30 Day Challenge: Day 9

Day 9: A Picture Of Your Friends

I am gonna have several pictures, because I don't have any real group pictures of all of my friends. Not recent ones, anyways.

home::

Melissa & I at Six Flags.. I love that Granny is throwin' up the deuces

Alysha & I goofing off with her new Macbook Pro

Stephanie & I at Collin's knighting ceremony with our new "grandfather"

Janet & I at Turner Field for the Georgia/Georgia Tech baseball game.. she always makes funny faces and I'm left smiling, so I pulled a fast one on her

UGA::

oh yes, you should be afraid. be very very afraid. Katie & I could take you OUT.

part of my EDMS cohort. I wouldn't have made it through the past two years without them!

my roommates Courtney & Ashley from last semester. these girls are my heart!

I was gonna put some pictures of my friends from work, but I couldn't find any that I really liked. So this is it for now!

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GA/FL, round 3

This weekend was one of the best of my life. It was time for the annual trip to Jacksonville [neutral territory, my ass. case in point will later be discussed] for the Georgia/Florida game. I was worried because last year was SO awful, but it was great. Far exceeded my expectations!

On Thursday, I stayed with Katelin at her apartment. We picked up stuffed crust pizza and watched our Thursday night shows. I got to have my Vampire Diaries date with Jordan, which is the best part of my week! I get to see her on my birthday too! SO EXCITED. But that's besides the point. So we watched our shows and then played Sing Star Karaoke [Disney Channel and Pop songs. SO much fun] until it was time for bed.

Friday morning, Katelin and I went for a walk and packed for our trip to J-ville. We went to Taco Stand [I was less than impressed :-/ sad] before heading to Katie's. We hopped in Katie's car, got CFA milkshakes, and hit the road! We made good time down to Albany and went to Outback with Memama, Pepaw, Aunt Kristy, Uncle Charles, Heather, and Hayley [my cousins]. They told them that we were celebrating my birthday [which is sort of true.. it's this Saturday, but since I won't be there, we were celebrating] and they brought a free dessert for us. I love Outback. We got tickets to a haunted house from my aunt and uncle, but we were so tired after a long day of driving, even though it was only 7:30 when we left, so we decided against the haunted house. We went to my grandparents' house and relaxed until bedtime.

Saturday.. the big day. We got up early, picked up my uncle at his house, and headed to Jacksonville. About halfway there, we needed to refill our car, so I told Pepaw and Rob to go ahead and that we'd meet them at the stadium later. We got back on the road and headed to the stadium. Awhile down the road, I noticed a sign for Gainesville, which is where the University of Florida is, that said 45 miles away. Our GPS also said we were 45 minutes from our destination, and I was like, "oh yeah, neutral territory.. we travel 6 hours, and they travel 45 minutes." But I didn't think anything more about it. 20 minutes later, I saw a sign that said "Gainesville: 25 miles" ... and our GPS said 25 miles. Yep, we'd put the wrong stadium name into the GPS. Oops? We ended up getting there about 40 minutes later than we planned, but still in PLENTY of time.

We met our friends at the big screen outside of the stadium and watched most of the Tennessee/South Carolina game before finally heading to our seats. The game was frustrating, but it was great to be there. I feel like only teams who wear blue can win in that stadium. It's always Florida, and I saw the Colts win there in December. But it was a fun time with great friends, so it was worth it. Afterwards we went to Mimi's for dinner [SO many things that I wish I could share, but they were "you have to be there" kind of things..] and then some people left and the rest of us went to Cheesecake Factory for drinks and desserts. Jake and I had a few drinks [he had a particularly rough night, and I just wanted to] but neither of us really felt them at all. Afterwards the girls went to our hotel and CRASHED watching Home Improvement.

On Sunday we met the guys at Cracker Barrel for lunch and had fun. We teased Jake about being a slow driver, so he apparently drove 20 miles over the speed limit the whole way home JUST to prove us wrong. It would've been funny if he'd gotten pulled over, though I would've hated it for him. Katie, Katelin, and I sang, danced, and talked girl talk the entire way home. It was the best trip ever. Except Orlando 2008. But it's a close second! There is a recording of Katie and Katelin singing Ke$ha's Kiss And Tell.. I may upload it later.

Now it's back to real life. Blah. Is it Thanksgiving break yet? It should be. I'm ready for it. I'm also ready for my birthday this weekend. Football game plus hanging with friends afterwards.. sooooooo excited! Never thought I'd be excited to be 23. I'm so old.

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lake day!

Let's do a quick recap of what has happened since last month:

• I moved back home for the school year since I'll be student teaching in Gwinnett, aka NOT commuting every day in the spring!
• I reapplied at Toys R Us since I couldn't commute to DQ every day in the fall.
• I got a job at this new "Toys R Us Express" store that they were opening. I told my boss at DQ that I would need to cut my hours until she could find a replacement for me [which she knew was coming.. this wasn't news to her].
• I went on vacation with my family. During the vacation, I called my new TRU boss to see when I needed to work the next week. She informed me that the store would no longer be opening, so I was down to just the DQ job.
• At that point, I decided to call my DQ boss and let her know that I could work as much as she needed. She then informed me that she had actually already found a replacement and would no longer need me.
• So I went from having two jobs to having zero jobs. Just my luck.

So last week, my DQ boss called me to get my address so that she could mail my latest paycheck. She starts off the conversation by saying, "I think I made a mistake." Long story short, she basically begged me to still come back if possible. So I knew that starting Monday, I would be back to working myself to death.

So I decided to have a weekend blast. I got my friends together to hang out on Friday night for pizza and The Proposal, then on Saturday morning we did brunch and watched Power Rangers: The Movie. But Sunday was the best day.

Alysha's grandparents' lake house

Alysha's grandparents have a lake house on Lake Lanier, and I've been ITCHING to go up there all summer. So we finally went! It was me, Alysha, Taylor, Collin, & Stephanie. Steph had never been to the lake and isn't much of a water person, so I was worried that she might not have fun, thus hindering the fun of the group [because who wants to have a blast when someone else is miserable??], but she was fine.

not us, but we never got any pictures of us tubing. this is what we were doing though!

We got up there and had to wait for Alysha's grandparents to get there to get the keys, though it turned out that the keys had been there the whole time haha we decided that Collin would take Stephanie out on the jet-ski first while Alysha, Taylor, and I went tubing.

our three-person tube

We got on this three-person tube and went flying. We held on for FOREVER until we hit a bunch of wakes in a row, and I finally had to let go; Alysha was right behind me. We all smashed our faces before letting go, so Alysha went up to the boat while Taylor and I did another spin around the lake. I got Taylor off the float by accidentally capsizing the tube haha

Taylor on the jet ski

We took the boat in to give her granddad a break, so Alysha took the jet ski out for a bit. Then we decided to tie a second tube to the back of the boat, and we convinced Steph to come with us. Collin refuses to go tubing, so I was worried Steph wouldn't, but she agreed to go. We put her on the three-person tube with Alysha and me, and Taylor took the single tube. It was so much fun, but I am feeling it today.. I am SO incredibly sore! Who knew you'd use that many muscles tubing?!

When we took the boat in for good, I decided to take the jet ski out for a bit. I loved going super fast and jumping over the wake from other boats and jet skis! It was amazing. When I got back, Collin was jumping off the top of the two-story boat dock. He asked if I wanted to jump, and for some reason, I said yes. I'd told myself that I would do EVERYTHING possible, no matter how scared I was to do it.

So I jumped.

jumping off the 15 foot dock! knock THAT off my bucket list!

It was exhilarating. I shouldn't have done it because of my ears, but oh well. I even did it a second time. It was amazing. SO MUCH FUN.

When we'd finished having fun jumping off the dock [including several rounds of Taylor and Collin jumping at the same time], we went inside for dinner. Her grandmother cooked teriyaki chicken, noodles, and a homemade tomato sauce. We also had these marble brownies for dessert.

all that was left of two trays of brownies.. we ended up spliting that one into five pieces haha

As final documentation of the trip, we took some group shots. P.S.- the lake water made my hair curly.. they need to bottle that stuff! haha

me and Alysha: the curly haired duo!

goofy pic! Alysha didn't quite get the memo though..

group shot of the five of us

It was such an amazing day. I really hope we get to do it again soon!

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