Blessed

blessed: (adj) characterized by happiness or good fortune

Anyone who has heard the story of my life over the past few years knows how happy I am to be where I am right now.

For those of you that don't know, I spent two years teaching in a Title 1 school, which means that a certain percentage of the students live below the poverty line. I believe when I started, 80-85% of the students were on free and reduced lunch. I was not supported by the parents, with some exceptions. I was not supported by the administrators, with almost no exceptions. By September of my second year, I was ready to quit. I cried almost every day. I hated going to work. I went home exhausted from the emotional turmoil I was going through.

Somehow I made it through the first semester. And the second semester just got tougher. By the end of February, I was done. I had been praying about it, and I had lots of others praying for me, and I finally came to a decision:

I was taking at least a year off.

I immediately filled out my declaration form, turned it in to Cheryl, and never looked back. I immediately felt that a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Many people around me were concerned because I had no job prospects lined up, but I didn't care. I felt at peace, and I knew I'd made the right decision.

In May, with a few weeks left in the school year, we were at Buffalo's for trivia one night. Jon, April's husband, had invited his mom to come with us. In the middle of dinner, he goes, "So Mom, can you get Lynn a job?" I think he was mostly joking, but she said, "Actually, we are looking for an administrative assistant, but it won't be for a few weeks, maybe not til July."

I almost fell out of my chair. I'd been looking for that exact type of job for weeks. People tell me I'm a leader, but I don't see it. I'd rather be behind the scenes, taking care of others. Making sure that they look good. I'm a Leo McGarry, not a Jed Bartlett. I'd been applying to work in doctor's offices and vet practices and the like, and now a job had literally been dropped in my lap!

Long story short, I ended up going through the interview process and getting the job. I started in the middle of July, which gave me just enough of a break from teaching to really get back to my old self again.

Fast forward six months.

I've slowly been taking on more and more responsibilities at work. Today I was given a few new (big) ones: helping out with the pre-invoicing for a project. It's one of our bigger projects that I usually help with, but we're going to start working on it before the end of the month to alleviate some of that volume of work. The second thing is to be making travel arrangements for people. We want to streamline our process and keep it from being so spread out. So I drafted an email and sent it out, saying, "Let me be your travel agent! I'll book flights, reserve hotels, schedule cars, and I'll even cancel reservations if something happens! No more stress about travel for you!"

Which leads me to the point of this entire post, which is waaaaay longer than I originally anticipated. George, one of our business development guys and our Czech consul, came by my desk and said that he was so glad that I was a member of this team. He loves how willing I am to help everyone, and he is amazed by the level of service I give to everyone. He asked if I had a lot of experience in service. I told him not in this type of service, but I've always been more of a servant. I want to help others succeed. It's why I went into teaching, it's why I spoil my niece and soon-to-be nephew (hurry up, SJ!). It's why I'm happier on someone else's birthday than my own. I love to give. And I don't need anything in return.

But you know what?

It sure is nice to have someone recognize what I do.

And you know what else?

It happens *daily* at my job. D-A-I-L-Y.

A lot of people misuse or overuse the word "blessed." But I am truly truly blessed to be where I am right now. God's timing is perfect. Trust it!

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Getting a Jump on Things in 2014

I recently finished my "26 Before 27" list, and one of the items on there is to volunteer somewhere. I decided to combine that goal with another goal, run a 5k every month.

So I started looking at races for upcoming months, trying to find one race that I would like to participate in and another race that I would like to volunteer with. I don't have a volunteer race for January, but in February, I'm going to volunteer for Run the Reagan. I thought about running that race, but I found another one that was smaller, cheaper, a trail run, and benefited a local high school that one of my friends teaches at, so I decided to just volunteer for RTR.

For March, I'm still looking, but I think I'm going to participate (either run or volunteer) for one at an elementary school near my house. April, on the other hand, is jam-packed. I've got the Color Run (duh, running) the first weekend, MS Walk in Marietta the second weekend (either walking with work group or volunteering), possibly volunteering for an event that some of my coworkers are doing the third weekend, and MS Walk in Atlanta the last weekend (either walking with work group or volunteering, whichever I didn't do for the walk in Marietta). And then in May, I don't know what event I'm running, but I'm DEFINITELY volunteering for Bubble Palooza at the Gwinnett County Fairgrounds. I think I read somewhere that volunteers get to participate too, but either way, YES. It's basically Color Run + BUBBLES. Who could say no to that?!

Another thing on my list was to find a church that fits all of my needs. I've been looking around for awhile, but most churches have done away with "singles/20s and 30s/post grad/etc" groups. And even more have done away with your typical "Sunday School" type setting and gone more towards "small groups" and such, which makes it harder to meet people sometimes. But I decided to bite the bullet and sign up for a 20s and 30s community group through Grace Fellowship Church. The group meets in my town on Thursday evenings, and I believe it's co-ed, which is a huge draw over 12Stone. Don't get me wrong; I LOVED my small groups and the girls that I met through them. But I want to meet guys too. I know what you're thinking, but trust me, this isn't about dating. At least, it's not *just* about dating. I'd be lying if I said that thought didn't cross my mind. My main desire is for fellowship. I haven't had a good group of guy friends since high school. Even the ones in college turned out to be more of acquaintances than friends (unless it suited them, but that's a whole different story). So we'll see what happens with the community group.

I'm also going to try out the church. If all else fails, I could still do 12Stone as my church and Grace for community groups, but I'd like to just have one church. It sure would make it easier. Beggars can't be choosers though, I guess.

I haven't cooked as much as I'd hoped to (at least, not for myself. I cooked a good bit for Melissa, Russell, and Baby-To-Be-Named-Later/Rhubard/Indiana/Kendra-Flowers/StacheJr this weekend), BUT I did try this amazing tortellini bake recipe. I was a little bit skeptical at first, because I usually just cook tortellini and throw pasta sauce on it, but I am telling you, baking it made all the difference. Even if I hadn't put the cheese on top, the baking really infused the flavor. I will never cook tortellini the same (old) way again. And it was super quick and SUPER easy. It will most likely become a staple recipe in my house for when I don't feel like really cooking.

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First Adventure with a Crockpot

One of my goals for 2014 is to blog more, just to get things out of my head. I want to do something like Heather does and review books, tv, and movies; however, since I just got a new crockpot, I'll also discuss any recipes that I've tried!

I like leftovers, but I hate eating them for days and days. Except for poppyseed chicken... I could eat that every meal for the rest of my life! So when I cook, I try to make things that Heather can eat too, which can be difficult because Heather is lactose intolerant... and I LOVE my cheese.

For my first crockpot adventure, I wanted to make something for both of us, so I found a few recipes and let her choose. She decided on teriyaki chicken, so I made this recipe. I took an inventory of our pantry before I went to the store to make sure that we'd have all of the ingredients needed. It was really easy: mix ingredients in a bowl, put chicken in crockpot, pour mixture over chicken, cover, and wait. I made rice and grilled zucchini to go with it. It turned out really well. I've got enough left over for lunch tomorrow and another serving, which I'll probably take to work on Tuesday.

I've even printed off a menu planner to attempt to plan out my month. I've always feared doing this because I hate when I plan something and it doesn't happen, but another goal for 2014 is to not let things get to me as much. Sometimes I'll want to go out to dinner with someone or I'll be in the mood for something else or I won't be hungry, and that's okay.

I'm really excited about a recipe that I found on pinterest, a chicken and cheese casserole. I'm planning on cooking it next Sunday. I have a feeling that my new crockpot and I are going to be great friends!

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No More Hiding

I wish I could say that I have been feeling convicted lately, but I don't think you could call it that. I don't even know where to start with this.

I am scared to death to post this blog. But I am more scared of something else: not experiencing God.

The following contains portions from my journal this evening combined with my additional thoughts:

Today I started reading a book that I got at Books For Less a few months back, "Searching For A God You're Supposed To Have Found" by Ben Windle. Within the first three pages, I was on the verge of tears. I had to close the book to avoid crying so that I could continue to read without salty water obstructing my vision.

I have been in denial for so long.

I grew up in church. I was constantly active in the youth group. I wore WWJD bracelets and FCA shirts. I led an AWANA group. I went on retreats. I went to Christian concerts. I highlighted my Bible and wrote verses on index cards to post in my room, locker, and binders. I led prayers in Sunday School. I WAS IN A CHRISTIAN SORORITY.

Yet I fooled everyone. Or maybe I didn't. Maybe some of you knew. But I certainly fooled myself.

I knew about God. I knew verses and stories and songs. I knew that I was a Christian.

But I didn't KNOW God.

I haven't even finished the first chapter yet, but I have to get this out. I have to process it. A part of the chapter talked about anger and jealousy towards people who weren't raised in the church, who come to church and immediately experience God. Yet I, who grew up on the front row, literally, had not had that experience. I know who He *is* but don't KNOW Him.

Last summer, I was in a small group with some girls from my spring small group and some guys from another small group. One night after group, Kelly and I went to Chick-Fil-A for a late dinner. We talked about something that I had not, and until now have not, admitted to anyone: I was jealous of people who had these huge defining moments in their walk with Christ. I didn't have this big "A-HA!" moment. I grew up knowing about God and about Jesus and what He did for me on the cross. But to see people come from a non-church background and experience Jesus.. I was so envious. Why couldn't I have an experience like that?

The funny thing was that Kelly felt the opposite: she was jealous that I'd spent my entire life knowing about Jesus. I didn't understand, because her relationship felt more real than mine. I can't explain it. It's a feeling. A sorrow in my heart. I can't begin to explain that feeling. Perhaps one day I'll understand it, but for now, it is what it is. Moving on...

I think part of what has held my back in the past is fear of what others will think. I'm "supposed" to already know God... what will they think?! Will they judge me? Shun me? Ridicule me?

But I should've known better. My family, my friends, the people that love me, won't care about the past but will REJOICE in my new future!

"Because the concept of God is so clear in their mind, their knowledge of God and the Bible can be mistaken for a personal relationship with God."

Guilty, party of one.

James tells us "Even the demons believe!" Belief is not enough. There MUST be more.

"Don't let the door mat become your bed." Jesus says, "Knock, and the door shall be opened unto you." But an open door is useless unless you walk through it. Go in. Sit down with Jesus. Get to know Him. What have I been waiting for?

The end of the chapter talks about Gideon. God had parted the Jordan River and led the Israelites out of oppression. Joshua took 12 stones from the river and set up memorials with the stones. Years later, the older generations saw the stones and remembered, vividly, what God had done. But Gideon had no memory of the event. He was not tied to it. It wasn't real to him. And that wasn't enough for him. He wasn't content with just the stories. He wanted to experience God for himself. And he did. His faith helped deliver his people from the Midianites.

I'm not afraid of what people think of me anymore. I'm only afraid of not experiencing God.

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2011 In Review

After reading Erin's review post, I wanted to do the same. 2011 was a pretty good year for me.

JANUARY
STUDENT TEACHING FIASCO: Two days before we are supposed to start student teaching, about 10 of us still haven't heard where we'll be student teaching. Luckily the great Snowpocalypse of 2011 struck, and we weren't allowed to start on time. I finally heard about my placement: back at DMS with a 7th grade life science teacher. I didn't particularly want life science, especially since another girl was placed in an earth science class like I wanted, but it all worked out. I was a bit intimidated when I got to my classroom, but I liked the kids and loved my mentor.

FEBRUARY
2 YEARS DOWN THE DRAIN: After my breakup with Rylan, my depression got much worse. Zoloft became my best friend. I eventually weaned myself off of it, and I was so happy to have control over that. However, after a few weeks with my kids, I fell back down that hole. I felt like such a failure. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but I was not thrilled to have to go back on my medication. Ever since then, I've gradually gone from 25mg to 100mg. The life of a middle school teacher...

MARCH
SBXI: I went on my first and last official spring break. I went to Destin with Katie, Jenny, and Emily. It was the greatest trip of my life. SO much fun! We stayed with Katie's grandparents, so all we had to pay for was gas and food. So many great memories were made on that trip.

APRIL
SO CLOSE TO THE END: Nothing super eventful happened in April. Student teaching came to a close [thank GOD, because I was losing my mind] and I started looking for jobs. I went to a critical needs job fair [math, science, and special education] and met a principal who offered me a long-term sub position that day. It ended up not working out because my paperwork didn't process quickly enough, but it ended up being my foot in the door. I also had my last week of classes with my cohort. I cried so much on that last day. That's my family, and I'm not going to see them altogether like that again. I made it all the way to the end of the last day, but when I hugged Dr. A, I lost it. Then when I hugged Gretchen, I lost it again. Two years with these people. I miss them.

MAY
GRADUATION: I am officially a graduate of The University of Georgia. Five years later. I got to walk across the stage [twice.. I was a little over-excited and went too early the first time lol] and shake hands with my teachers. I also got to go onto the field in Sanford Stadium and stand with my cohort in my official graduation. And then proceeded to take off my shoes and walk across campus to our car.

EMPLOYMENT: Just before graduation, I got a call from the principal that I interviewed with at the critical needs job fair in April, asking if I wanted to come in for an interview. I said, "YES! I can be there in 45 minutes!" His secretary was amused. We set up an interview time. I went in for the interview and thought it went well. A week later, the Science AP called me and offered me the job, which I immediately accepted! Two weeks after graduation, I am officially employed. Such a blessing.

JUNE
AWKWARD TURTLE: I had a date with a great guy. The date wasn't great, and apparently he was more into it than I was, so it was hard to tell him that I didn't want another date. Things were awkward for a few days, but luckily we've gotten back to the old friendship we had. I nearly had another date with a cool guy, but he ended up bailing on asking me out, so whatevs.

BAHAMAS: We took a family cruise to the Bahamas. It was great. I had a great time, though it was hard at times to not have anyone to hang out with. I hung out with my parents, but I felt like I was interfering with their alone time. I hung out with my brother and his friend.. but who wants their older sister messing up their fun times? But it still ended up being great. And if anyone goes on a cruise where there is a QUEST adventure, DO IT. Single-handedly the best part of the vacation. I have NEVER laughed so hard in my LIFE.

JULY
GOODBYE TRU, HELLO NEW LIFE: I finished up my life at Toys R Us and began my new career as a teacher. I have to say that I don't miss TRU at all. I miss a few of the people, but the important ones I still keep up with.

AUGUST
FIRST YEAR SPARTAN: My first month was rough. I didn't know if I could do it. But I had no choice but to continue. Things gradually got a bit better. Reading back through my blog, it's amazing how far I've come. My favorite part was getting my first paycheck and going out to celebrate with the other first year teachers.

SEPTEMBER
DETENTION BONANZA: I gave out more detentions in this month than all other months combined. Pretty sure I've given out the most for our grade level. But I was so over my kids that I don't even care.

OCTOBER
RED RIBBON WEEK: I enjoyed dressing up for Red Ribbon Week. My kids have learned that I will do anything for school spirit.

NOVEMBER
ALMOST DONE: Thanksgiving break was SO needed. I also took my first personal day before my birthday. I never take days off, so it was great. Also my memory is slightly failing now that I have 120 kids to watch out for. So, sorry this is boring.

DECEMBER
FINISHED: I made it through my first semester. I don't know how I did it. But I did! Thanks to everyone who supported me along the way. Also, this month I've struggled with some personal stuff. I'm a little too overwhelmed and lonely. And paranoid. But I'm working on it. So here's to fixing that in 2012.

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Ten on Tuesday

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted! It's been a busy few months for me. I have been posting regularly at my blog about my first year of teacher, First Year Spartan, if you want to check it out.

For now, I'll leave you with the 10onTuesday:

1. What do you do for a living? I'm a middle school science teacher.
2. What’s your favorite thing about your job? Summers off! haha JUST KIDDING. I love being around these kids. Sure, 98% of the time they drive me bananas, but I love them 100% of the time!
3. What’s your least favorite thing about your job? Honestly, the lack of pay. The big-wigs make the big bucks.. and they make stupid decisions like merit-based pay. Don't they understand that all that will do is lead to the ATL scandal in EVERY SCHOOL IN THE STATE??? Obviously not...
4. If you weren’t a ____________, what would you be? I have no idea. I'm not good at too much else. I could see myself being someone's assistant, a secretary or something. I love being behind the scenes, and I love helping people out however I can.
5. What is something that you would love to get paid for that you think no one would every pay you for? Judging someone's character. 99% of the time, I am completely accurate with my first impression of someone. I can count on one hand how many times I've been SO wrong about someone. No exaggeration.
6. If you could have any job for exactly one day, what would it be? Peyton Manning's shirt ;]
7. If you had to do manual labor, what would you do? I'm not good with my hands, so nothing related to construction. I'm good with picking up heavy things, so maybe moving boxes or unloading trucks or something?
8. What is something you were forced to learn in high school that was supposed to be super important, but you never actually use? FREAKIN' MLA FORMAT!!!!!!!!!!! We are *DRILLED* on MLA throughout high school, then I get to college and we've switched to APA. What a load of crap.
9. Who was your favorite boss? Why? Derek. Because he let me get away with whatever the heck I wanted.
10. Where would you rather work: Dunder Mifflin Paper Company (The Office), Wernham Hogg Paper Company (The Office, UK), or Initech (Office Space)? INITECH. Office Space FTW!

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Ten on Tuesday

10onTUESDAY

1. What colour are your toenails painted? teal with flowers on the big toes
2. What colour are your fingernails painted? teal
3. What is your favourite brand of nail polish? OPI
4. As the norm, do you DIY your nails or get mani/pedis? DIY
5. Have you ever had a gel mani? Do you recommend it? I haven't, but my mom and sister have, and they LOVE them
6. What is the last movie you watched on television? (TV, Netflix, Redbox, etc.) Casino Royale
7. What is the last movie you watched in the cinema? HP 7.2
8. Is there a movie that everyone talks about as if it is a classic but you haven’t seen? The Godfather
9. What is your favourite movie soundtrack? ooh tough one. um.. for a musical: RENT. for a non-musical: A Walk To Remember
10. Have you ever seen a movie and thought it was better than the book it was based on? I actually liked the movie A Walk To Remember better than the book.


In other news, I set up a new teacher blog! Check it out: First Year Spartan

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